So. This is my first “don’t do this ever ever EVER again” posts. I just finished my first attempt at a stir fry with an almond noodle sauce. Like many of my other recipes, I scoured the series of tubes that make up the internets and tried to combine the best aspects of this recipe and that one to make a dish that is tailored to my tastes.
I messed up the sauce – there’s no doubt about that because somewhere in there I created a concoction that has now filled my apartment with the smell of kitty wiz. It doesn’t taste like almond butter or scallions or even soy sauce or vinegar. It tastes like straight-up nothing. However, it’s blandness is preceded when you inhale, about to take a bite, with the unmistakable scent of cat piss. The sauce also has this bizarre texture, like the almond paste separated into a grit and water combo (which you can see leftover in the bottom of the wok).
Also, using green peppers instead of red was a disaster. They taste bitter – really bitter.
Lastly, my food is the worst possible color for a meal made with fresh, vibrant, seasonal veggies – that shit is fucking taupe. Red cabbage + buckwheat soba noodles + tofu = a grayish-purple, bland, but unmistakably stinky dinner.
I can’t believe I have to eat this again. Time to go wash dishes and clean the kitchen.
LFMF because they’re definitely not all winners!